Written by Pete McNae

Shiny paint and stickers won't win races. And one streetstock competitor who knows more about winning races than most is Simon (Slippery) Bland.

His cars have been easy to spot across well over 30 years in speedway – they are usually bent and bruised with a basic black and maroon paint job. They have 31V on the flanks, even though Bland has never lived in Whanganui where V is the track code. And chances are that, win or lose, Bland will have the car and driver combination that catches the eye.

“Sport is just entertainment, really, isn't it?,” says the Ashburton engineer. “We are out there to perform, and performing can look like racing for a flag or it can be the driver who is flicking cars around and riding the wall and crossing the finish in reverse.”

Yes, they are all part of the legend of Slippery (a long-lasting nickname coined for his driving skills). Bland is no slug at the big meetings though – he is a former national streetstock champion, a title he won in Blenheim back in the summer of 2008-09. He's also had a 2NZ, three seasons earlier in Invercargill. There has been a South Island title (Greymouth), two NZ Streetstock Grand Prix wins from Woodford Glen and Blenheim and other major meeting podium placings at Nelson, Dunedin, Meeanee in Hawke's Bay and Gisborne.   

It's just that he's not that concerned about winning meetings these days, especially with two kids making their way in the sport. And he's never been worried about the aesthetics of streetstock preparation. 

“A paint job won't make the car go any better … spend your time and money on setup and getting it to work on all parts of any track. And, if that fails, be spectacular, so you're memorable for some other reason.”

One story sums up Bland's approach to a speedway career that began as a 14 year old in a Vauxhall Viva hobby saloon on his home track of Ashburton before the streetstock bug bit, and he went to a Torana – “they were called fender benders then and I was racing at the black track clubs until I was old enough to go to the Glen”.

It happened many, many seasons back when Huntly in Waikato ran Speedfest for invited fields only. Bland was the sole South Island streetstock driver in attendance and his rippled Falcon was down the end of the pits when a family came along, checking out the machinery.

“These three kids thought my car was hilarious, called it the biggest piece of sh** and I just said 'wait till the end of the night and come back to see me when you've decided who you enjoyed watching the most'.”

Across three heats, Bland won two and was third in the other, even while being set upon by a full field of North Islanders, wondering how a battered sausage like the 31V was showing them up on their home patch. After each of the first two heats (and wins), Bland put the car on the track burnout pad and created some clouds with officials furiously waving their flags as the crowds lapped it up.

The third race saw one of the tyres finally burst but Bland survived multiple attacks to come third, win the meeting by a wide margin and then head back to the burnout pad, skidding the Falcon on one back rim with chunks of concrete being spat out the back.

“That dad and his kids came back after the meeting and they all had these smiles from ear to ear and admitted that I'd put on the best show.”

Bland, who has served as Ashburton's track manager until last year, has strong connections to Nelson and the Milestone Homes Top of the South Speedway, which will host the Richmond Exhaust and Radiator Specialists-Prokut New Zealand Streetstock Championships this Friday and Saturday. Bland picked up a lot of his track knowledge from the guru, the late Nelson track manager, Murray Teece.  

“Murray knew how to prep a track for the class that would be featuring that week and he put in the hours – it was his passion and very, very few people could comprehend that he would be there at midnight on a Tuesday, ripping it up and re-laying it to have it right for a Saturday.

“I'd always go and shake Mr Teece's hand after a race meeting and thank him a wonderful track – and I tried to carry that over to the Ashburton track prep. Fans want to see a fair contest out there; not cars popping tyres and breaking bits.”

Another big figure in Bland's career passed more recently when Whanganui's Alan (Moon Goon) Luoni died in 2025. A larger than life figure, Luoni was the reason the 31V carried the Whanganui track designation, Bland describing “Moon Goon” as “one of the most genuine buggers you'll meet in a lifetime”.

Through a long and colourful streetstock career, Bland has soaked up a tonne of knowledge – and spare parts. He admits there's something like 70 cars on the home block, that he's swapped out up to seven blown Falcon motors in a season for ones he's pulled from those donor cars, and that he also owns six ministocks. While daughter Zoe races one, Bland builds the sport from within by loaning out the others. The deal is, the car remains his, the lucky recipients buy their race gear and pay their licence and club fees, then they get to run the car until the driver ages out of the youth grade, when the car goes back home to Ashburton. One of the gift horsepowers is being run in Nelson this season in the hands of first-season youth competitor, Mason Roberts.

“It's about getting kids in and giving them a taste,” Bland says. “They maintain the cars and learn their race craft and hopefully, when it is time to send the car back to me, they stay on and get their own car – preferably a streetie.”

Bland's children, son Mason and daughter Zoe, have come through the youth ranks with Mason now into his own streetstock, 31C, as Zoe completes her youth career. She'll move over to adult ministocks before graduating to streetstocks when she's 20 and a little stronger. His focus now is much more on the family's racing than his own and, if both Mason's streetstock and Zoe's ministock are competing, he'll park his newly built BA Falcon to crew for the kids.

But the end game is to get all three on the same grid in streetstocks which, given Zoe's age, means another four or five seasons of Team Slippery and a highly effective 31V Falcon in a plain black and red wrapper.

“I could keep doing this forever,” Bland says. “Your goals move around, but I've always aimed to be the entertainer – you know, crossing the line in reverse so an outside flat (tyre) becomes an inside flat or riding the wall with the flag and throwing some sparks around.  

“I've got a stack of parts that will hold up for a while yet, still got the favourite car that's done 20-something seasons for me and can drag that out for a bit of fun or a classic night and the kids are making their way through – I might even be competitive in this new one. 

“Don't really know, don't really care, as long as I leave an impression on the spectators at the end of the night.”  

• The Richmond Exhaust and Radiator Specialists New Zealand Streetstock Championships, in association with Prokut, will be run at Nelson's Milestone Homes Top of the South Speedway on Lansdowne Rd, Richmond this Friday and Saturday, January 9-10. The weekend also features the Super Saloon Super Cup.

    

Photos: BM Photography